Listening to: Ernie Ford
Reading: Under the Unpredictable Plant.
Writing about: Ministry as a Career, puppets, birds, bees, Street Fighter II
This Christmas, as I was directing a puppet play,
I thought to myself:
Okay, so you’re directing puppets, at work.
14 years into ministry, my life’s calling and career,
I have done a lot of strange things.
In my first week of ministry, as an 18 year old volunteer,
I covered myself in chocolate icing
so I could pretend to be pulled from the rear end of another leader.
For the Gospel.
I am sorry I told you that story.
I made a list of other ridiculous things I have done.
I have removed all explanation and commentary.
That was not easy for me to do.
For your consideration,
raw info: no context, no defense, no explanation, just things I have done.
¤ drank a gallon of milk to a “Jock Jams” C.D.
in a room full of revolted teenagers.
think about that, while this plays:
¤ Gotten a 35 passenger bus stuck (like how you get a jeep stuck.)
¤ Peppered the country, and world,
with shoddy construction projects
¤ Talked about sex to terrified students.
both the morality and the mechanics (in different venues)
¤ filled 10 years worth of water balloons,
then declared an end to the age of water balloons in my ministry
¤Ushered in the age of sponge wars
(because filling water balloons is the worst)
Seriously, have you ever made 500 water balloons?
I think they do that in hell.
¤ Broken up a dozen fist fights
¤ Seen, and played in, a million terrible bands, and a few good ones.
¤ Sang “I’ve had the time of my life”
with my boss as Patrick Swayze
that one was way more recent than you may think.
¤ Skits. A million of them.
And for the record (excuse the commentary)
I really hate being in skits.
¤ Taught kids born in the 00s how to play Street Fighter II.
I Showed no mercy, because life is tough.
¤ Terrified and embarrassed grown youth group alumni in marriage counseling sessions.
¤ searched the internet for bulk pantyhose suppliers
¤ emptied every hispanic market in a 30 mile radius of their Jarritos
¤ made, like, a million of these low-fi gems:
¤ given Bad Advice
¤ Sold more pumpkins that I would ever care to talk about
No commentary, No Context.
No cute little turnaround with a warm point.
Just a little chuckle at my expense.