Listening to:  Ernie Ford

Reading: Under the Unpredictable Plant

Writing about: Ministry as a Career, puppets, birds, bees, Street Fighter II

This Christmas, as I was directing a puppet play,
I thought to myself:
Okay, so you’re directing puppets, at work.
That’s weird.

14 years into ministry, my life’s calling and career,
I have done a lot of strange things.
In my first week of ministry, as an 18 year old volunteer,
I covered myself in chocolate icing
so I could pretend to be pulled from the rear end of another leader.
For the Gospel.

I am sorry I told you that story.

I made a list of other ridiculous things I have done.
I have removed all explanation and commentary.
That was not easy for me to do.
For your consideration,
raw info: no context, no defense, no explanation,  just things I have done.

¤ drank a gallon of milk to a “Jock Jams” C.D.
 in a room full of revolted teenagers.
   think about that, while this plays:  

¤ Gotten a 35 passenger bus stuck (like how you get a jeep stuck.)
Multiple times

¤ Peppered the country, and world,
     with shoddy construction projects

¤ Talked about sex to terrified students.
    both the morality and the mechanics (in different venues)

¤ filled 10 years worth of water balloons,
     then declared an end to the age of water balloons in my ministry

¤Ushered in the age of sponge wars
     (because filling water balloons is the worst)
      Seriously, have you ever made 500 water balloons?
         I think they do that in hell.

¤ Broken up a dozen fist fights

¤ Seen, and played in, a million terrible bands, and a few good ones.

¤ Sang “I’ve had the time of my life”
in drag
with my boss as Patrick Swayze

  that one was way more recent than you may think.

time of life
nobody sits rev. Fuller in the corner

¤ Skits. A million of them.  
    And for the record (excuse the commentary)
      I really hate being in skits.

¤ Taught kids born in the 00s how to play Street Fighter II.  
    I Showed no mercy,  because life is tough.

Kids just don’t listen. Ryu is objectively the best choice

¤ Terrified and embarrassed grown youth group alumni in marriage counseling sessions.

¤ searched the internet for bulk  pantyhose suppliers 

¤ emptied every hispanic market in a 30 mile radius of their Jarritos 

Jarritos: the soda (not the mustachioed skull)

¤ made, like, a million of these low-fi gems:

¤ given Bad Advice

¤ Sold more pumpkins that I would ever care to talk about

As promised:
No commentary, No Context.

No cute little turnaround with a warm point.

Just a little chuckle at my expense.